Devising A Bookish Motto ...

For fun I've been twittering about devising a bookish motto, which once tweaked may become the new subtitle of this blog. The phrase 'Never leave home without a book' sums my reading strategy up nicely. Now it needs to be translated into Latin ...

Many moons ago I did get an 'A' for my Latin O-level. I loved Latin, and got a lot out of it, however having studied the touchy-feely Cambridge Latin course, the conjugations and declensions were never drilled into us in the traditional amo, amas, amat ... style. You were taught basic roots of words mostly and picked up the grammar it seemed by osmosis. If you read enough of it, it seeped in sort of.

Three decades of forgetting later though, I'm left with a problem like that of Brian in Life of Brian, (the Python's best film and one which I had the luxury of seeing an uncut test screening of as a student in the presence of Palin, Jones, Idle and Gilliam - as mentioned in Palin's wonderful diaries). You must remember the scene where John Cleese's Roman centurion corrected Brian's grammar in his graffiti on the city walls - making him write 'Romani eunt domum' fifty times for getting it wrong. Classic!

So this is my problem too! I tried using an internet translation site - but getting declensions and conjugations right is beyond it! I've got this far: Never = nunquam; to leave = dimitto; home = domus; without = sine; a book = liber/libri which gives so far ...

Nunquam dimitto domus sine libri

It obviously still needs some work so I'm off to locate my copy of a rather good Latin primer by Peter Jones -

Learn Latin: The Book of 'The Daily Telegraph' QED Series to see if it'll help me fine-tune my Latin. Watch this space!

Update 6pm: After much poring of the above book, a Latin dictionary and Wikipedia I've ended up with this. If there's anyone who can tell me if I'm right - I'd really appreciate it. Should egredite be in the imperative? Is domo ablative? Is nunquam in the right place?

Egredite domo nunquam sine liber

"Ours not to reason why, ours but to do and die"

Numbersthe debut novel for teens (and up) by Rachel Ward is a book very much concerned with life and death, and the quote above by Tennyson, seems to me to capture its essence in a nutshell perfectly.

Told in the first person, this is Jem's story of the time spent with her friend Spider. Fifteen year old Jem doesn't really have friends, she doesn't like to look at people, as she has a unique ability that she sees as a curse - when she looks at someone she sees the date when they will die.

Jem's Mum died of an overdose when she was seven. She was taken into care and lived in a succession of foster homes. Since she worked out what the numbers meant though, she has tried to tune out of normal life, preferring her own company, and ending up being branded as difficult by the system. Then, one day she meets Spider, both skiving off school, and despite the numbers over his head, they click and become friends. Then one day when they're in London something terrible happens and due to the circumstances, they run ...

That's enough of the story! This is an absolutely tremendous novel. It's not without its faults though - the last section of the plot before the end and subsequent coda, is rather contrived and unlikely. Where it succeeds really well though is in its depiction of teenagers and understanding of their problems. The growing sexual awareness between Jem and Spider is handled sensitively. Other issues such as knifecrime, drugs and violence are introduced in a way that makes it easy to see how kids get into this cycle of behaviours, when doing things like listening to them before things get out of hand could make a lot of difference. Both Jem and Spider were very credible characters, and you desperately want things to turn out well for them, although adult readers will probably work out the ending well in time. It was totally gripping from page one - and a novel to really make you think. Highly recommended. 9/10

"Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go."

... so said Truman Capote. Going to Venice is like stepping into a time-warp. On the surface, it's ancient, romantic and beautiful, yet it is mysterious and there's often a whiff of danger from its history as a great trading city. Much of the paraphenalia of modern living is hidden from the tourist's view allowing you to wallow in adoration of this unique place.

This is the Venice of The Thief Lord by German author Cornelia Funke. It feels so Dickensian in time, that you are really surprised when a mobile rings. Dickensian is actually an apt adjective, for the book centres around a group of orphaned children who live together in an abandoned cinema, looked after by their Faginesque young mentor - the self-styled Thief Lord. The two newest members of the gang, brothers Prosper and Bo, have a detective on their trail whose job it is to return Bo to the guardianship of his rich aunt; the brothers had run away as they were to be split up.

The first third of the book introduces us to the gang and their life in Venice which is hard, but appears a lot of fun. It takes its time to get going though, but once the detective Victor (who doesn't normally do lost children) is hard on Bo and Prosper's trail things start to hot up. Also the Thief Lord is commissioned to steal an object for a mysterious Conte, which would earn them enough money to live well for ages. They can't resist the job though, and things happen thick and fast with many twists and turns in the plot.

***SLIGHT SPOILER ALERT***
The novel up to this point has been firmly rooted in reality, but it turns out that the object they are looking for is the missing part of a magic roundabout which has the power to either age its riders or make them younger. I felt that the introduction of this fantasy element at such a late stage in the book was detrimental to the story, although it did then allow for very neat tieing up of many ends.

This was the first novel in my Easter kid-lit feast, and overall I really enjoyed it. As an adult it was an easy read but never simplistic. Aimed at around 8-12 yr olds, I feel that the slow first third (it's nearly 350 pages long) might not hold the interest of some younger readers enough to get to the real excitement, but the chapters are fairly short, so the frequent scene changes may do the trick. The main characters are great - I loved Victor the sympathetic detective with his pet tortoises, and Scipio the Thief Lord was really interesting. All the alleys and nooks and crannies made Venice seem very real, and the smattering of Italian in the text was well-integrated, and explained in a glossary at the back.

I would definitely like to read Funke's Inkheart trilogy, which are full-on fantasy novels for 10+. On to my next book - Numbers by Rachel Ward a novel for teens about a girl who can see the date when people will die ...

"Always winter and never Christmas" in this dystopia

I must admit to a liking for books featuring dystopian futures. It's really interesting to see what different authors do with the world left after the breakdown of society. Surprisingly then, I've yet to read Cormac McCarthy's The Road, but it has gone up the list.

In Far North by Marcel Theroux - Siberia has been settled by Quakers from the Americas who had moved there for a return to a simpler life, which in turn was shattered by influxes of outsiders moving north as the environmental changes take impact. Communities are again forced into survivalist mode and it reaches a stage in the town of Evangeline where there's just Makepeace left.

Makepeace thinks of committing suicide rather than carry on living all alone, but can't go through with it, deciding instead to travel East to Alaska to see what's become of the homeland. Makepeace's journey is not straight-forward, there are many obstacles along the way - from pockets of zealots to slavers and Makepeace spends much time imprisoned in one way or another, but has a strong will to survive.

The gradual reveal of Makepeace's story contains many surprises along the way, some of which are quite subtle, others less so but they do keep you reading. There are glimmers of hope too amongst the ruins which alleviate some of the bleakness of life lived as purely the survival of the fittest.

P.S. Quote in the title line from The Lion, The Witch & The Wardrobe.

Change of style

Felt like a change of template. The funky greens were nice, but I was getting a bit bored with them, so I've picked classic white - but stretched widthwise to use more of the page. I'm actually rather pleased with it.

My Easter kid-lit feast

I've decided that in the run-up to Easter, I shall concentrate on children's literature and ya (young adult) novels. Like many readers, and notably dovegreyreader's recent theme of revisiting her inner child, I get an awful lot out of reading proper children's novels, the best of which are the equal of any adult book. However rather than re-read books I already know and loved as a kid, I intend to read novels that are new to me.

Amongst those on this new TBR sub-pile are: The Red Necklace by Sally Gardner which is set during the French revolution, and Numbers by Rachel Ward - a contemporary novel about a girl who can see the date that people will die. However I'm starting off with The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke which is set in Venice (one of my favourite reading themes). I'm looking forward to reading them very much ...

An evening with Doctor Phil

So it was off to Abingdon School's super Amey Theatre on Saturday evening for a couple of hours with the UK's Doctor Phil - not to be confused with Oprah's one!

Phil Hammond is a doctor in general practice and a very funny comedian, and we were treated to his one man show full of typical doctor's humour in which he discussed how to live longer, (dogs play a big part in his philosophy) and what to do if the person sitting next to you has a heart-attack. Apparently, the General Medical Council insist he has an element of patient education in his shows if he is only GPing for one day a week, it was very funny education though. In the second half he answered loads of questions submitted anonymously from the audience, including testing a urine sample someone had brought in - but he was obviously expecting this having the requisite test strips to hand! (was that a plant? - even if it was, it got the laughs!)

Medicine Balls: Consultations with the World's Greatest TV Doctor is Dr Phil's latest paperback and very funny it is too - partly based on his regular columns for Private Eye. He's originally from Australia, but has been based in the West Country since age 7, and will be familiar to UK readers from his many TV appearances including on 'Have I got news for you'.

Uncharacterisically I managed to get in the photo - usually hiding behind the lens, but here we are... I'd recommend his shows and books though which go a long way towards proving that laughter is the best therapy.

Loser's Town by Daniel Depp

Loser's Town is the first novel by Daniel Depp, half-brother of the more famous Johnny.

As a Hollywood insider, it is full of satirical glimpses of life in the public eye and what goes on behind closed doors. Dave Spandau, ex-stuntman turned private eye is an intelligent and gruff hero that you can't help but warm to, and let's hope that Depp has plans for more outings for him.

The plot involves Bobby Dye - an up and coming he-man movie star who has encountered a problem and needs help from someone like Spandau to sort it out. Add in a low-life drugs baron Richie Stella who wants to become a movie producer, his two dumb henchmen, Spandau's mad Irish friend and some girls and you have the ingredients for a monumental cock-up as they all get reeled into what's happening.

I really enjoyed this book, but overall it felt like a slightly sub-par Elmore Leonard with added raunch for me. The characters were all parodies of types we all know, but most worked well during their lifespans in the book. One minor quibble, on the movie set, I did think naming the drunken old Brit Lord Sir Ian, (as would using any other existing Sir's name like Ben or Anthony etc), was rather distracting though. An entertaining debut - hope for more.

Boring Postcards by Martin Parr is anything but!

Boring Postcards by Martin Parr was a book I rescued from a local charity shop for just £1 and fell in love with instantly. Presented in their original size, beautifully printed onto heavyweight paper with plenty of white space surrounding them, these postcards make a brilliant topic for an art book from Phaidon, masters of the subject. Also these postcards from around fifty years ago, that would have seemed completely boring twenty years ago, are now absolutely fascinating to look back on with our love for all things retro at the moment. They are anything but boring.

What is really amazing is how much of that brutalist concrete architecture still exists; there are views of several town centres that I know intimately and still recognise the main features today. These were also the days when flying was a luxury, caravans by the sea were more likely to feature in holiday plans, and if you had to drive there, the new motorways and their service stations were all part of the experience. All are represented here in all their glory!

Unfortunately I couldn't find any suitably 'boring' postcards from my own files to scan in as illustrations. Instead I offer two snaps taken in Orrell, (near Wigan in Lancs) as poor modern day equivalents. This roundabout has been built on the site of my other half's old primary school! And this view over the fishing lake at Orrell Water Park is very boring indeed when the sun's not out...



P.S. Mike (see comments) - we got one of where you work too!

Dr Phil Hammond in Abingdon tomorrow!

Dr Phil Hammond - scourge of the medical establishment and a very, very funny man is bringing his one man show to Abingdon TOMORROW! He's appearing at the Amey Theatre in Abingdon School at 7.30pm, Sat March 21st as part of the Abingdon Arts Festival.

Dr Phil will be answering audience questions and performing free examinations (confidentiality assured). The best question or most interesting lump wins a free swab, a sick note for a year off with recession-related stress and a copy of one of his bestselling books.

He will be joined live on stage by Buddy, his resuscitation dummy, to teach you what to do if the person next to you in the audience stops breathing.

Dr Phil regrets he may not be able to answer every question on the night but the best ones will appear in his new book, Dr Phil, Warts and All, out later this year.

There are just a few tickets left at £12, (£10 concessions) and he will be signing copies of his other books. You're guaranteed an evening of thought-provoking hilarity.

Contact Mostly Books on 01235 525880 for tickets.

I'm helping out at the event, so I may see you there ...

Capsule reviews

Sorry - I've been extremely busy so far this week, so two capsule reviews for you of what I've read recently ...

Firstly, Marching Powder by Rusty Young. This follows the incarceration of a young black Englishman in Bolivia's San Pedro prison for drug-trafficking. I would not have got this book if my book group hadn't picked it. A totally corrupt system, where everything is for sale leads to a bizarre type of jail; it seemed more like living in the wrong part of town, with gates to me. I didn't see any repentance either from the prisoner Thomas for whom drugs were just a business - so making a moral judgement I didn't care for the book, but it was mostly an interesting read.

Secondly, Trust Me, I'm a (Junior) Doctor by Max Pemberton. Pemberton has written a great column for the Telegraph since he graduated from medical school - I look forward to reading it every week.

This volume from his diaries covers his first year as a junior doctor. It should be compulsory reading for anyone wanting to study medicine, as it shows that junior doctors still work unbelievably hard, and there are many hard times when one might question 'Why am I doing this?'. Max and his colleagues get through it and grow immeasurably during the year. Max is also a staunch defender of the NHS, and argues eloquently against many of the money-pinching policies that downgrade patients' medical care. It's candid, funny and shows that he cares. Volume 2 entitled Where does it hurt? is due out in a few months.

What a show!

Oliver! by Lionel Bart has been my favourite musical ever since the time we performed some selections from the show at primary school, and I was Oliver, aged 11. Ever since then, I've needed very little encouragement to launch into Oom Pah Pah! on any suitable occasion or to recreate my star-turn singing the soppy 'Where is love'. We watch the film version with the amazing Ron Moody on DVD Oliver [VHS] [1968] frequently at Gaskell Towers, but I've never seen it on stage. I'd have loved to see Jonathan Pryce or Robert Lindsay in the previous London production.

So more recently, I've been grumbling - well ever since December 2007 actually, when I booked my tickets for the new West End production of Oliver! on the day that booking opened - "Wot a racket - they'll 'ave my money at £60 per for over 15 munts 'fore I see the bloomin' fing". (Do excuse the mockney. I come from sarf lunn'n in reality - about ten miles from Bow Bells as the crow flies - it makes all the difference).

Well I shall have to eat my words, because it really was worth the wait. My daughter and I made a day out of it, going up by train in the morning - London Eye first, then over to Covent Garden for light shopping and we eating al fresco watching the street performers before wandering over to the theatre for the matinee performance.

We took our seats and couldn't believe how lucky we'd been to get central seats in the fourth row of the front stalls - best view in the house in my opinion. Then the overture started, and from the moment the curtain went up, you knew you were in for a treat when you saw the motto 'God is love' shining above the workhouse. Then you heard clomp, clomp, clomp and there were all the poor boys (and girls now), with their bowls - even popping up stairs from the orchestra pit and appearing just feet in front of us too. We searched to see which of the Olivers we'd got ... it was Gwion! Hurrah - the little cute Welsh Oliver - Brilliant!

For those who don't know, there was a series on the BBC in 2007 to cast the roles of Nancy and Oliver for this production - I'd do Anything and for weeks we'd been transfixed as the talented performers got whittled down to the winners... Jodie Prenger (see pic) as Nancy and three lads to share the role of Oliver. We had picked out Jodie as the most likely to right from the start, so were delighted she won. By the end of the series, the announcement had been made of who would play Fagin - Rowan Atkinson - an interesting choice we thought, and it made me want to see it even more.

Back to the show - it was marvellous from start to finish. With the largest cast in the West End, it made full use of Drury Lane's deep stage. The ensemble song and dance numbers were incredible - wonderfully choreographed by Matthew Bourne (he of the male Swan Lake fame), and the sets were stupendous, yet strongly reminiscent of both original stage and film productions.

We finally got to meet Fagin ... Dodger called for him, a shabby curtain pulled back and he said "What!" in a way that only Rowan Atkinson could and you instantly knew you would be in safe hands. Atkinson milked his numbers for maximum effect and was fantastic, getting a little Mr Bean joke in with one of his gang's teddy bear. Then on came Nancy, and Jodie was in fine voice - I nearly cried during the showstopper 'As long as he needs me' she sang it so gutwrenchingly. The kids were incredible, especially the lad who played the Artful Dodger. There are also a couple of different songs in the musical version, and Bill Sykes gets to scare everyone rigid with a menacing little number which effectively replaces the "Do you love me Bill" - "I lives with you, don't I" conversation in the film.

It was absolutely bloomin' marvellous - one of the best few shows I've ever seen, and to think the cast had to do it all again that evening ...

P.S. Just read that Iranian actor-comedian Omid Djalili will take over as Fagin in mid July. He'll probably be very good too, but I'd never have thought of him in the role!

A chef that stayed ...

I was lucky enough to meet Raymond Blanc (very briefly) last year at a signing for this book. All in the room found him completely charming and his passion for food was totally infectious. He took time with everyone, gossiped about his TV series 'The restaurant', asked the children there what they liked to cook, all the while encouraging us to come for lunch at Le Manoir - he has long had a policy to keep lunch an affordable treat!

His autobiography A Taste of My Life is just like he is in person - you can hear his lovely French accent and enthusiastic English. The book combines episodes from his life with stories from the trade and lots of thoughts on food and eating; interspersed amongst the chapters are many tempting recipes to try.

For a totally untrained chef, he is a complete natural in the kitchen. He is a real champion of quality produce and seasonal food - he does an awful lot locally in Oxfordshire. All this comes through in the stories of growing up helping his beloved Maman, through getting a glimpse of being a chef whilst waiting tables, and then grasping the mettle of cheffing for real when he moved to England in the 1970s where finding good produce was a problem. He started at a local pub - the Rose Revived, before opening his own restaurant - the first Les Quat' Saisons in Summertown, Oxford. Luckily for us - he has stayed.

He has worked incredibly hard to get where he is, and comes across as one of the nicest cooks in the business. This book is a read that will get you seriously thinking about good seasonal food.

Moviewatch - Burn After Reading

The latest film from the marvellous Coen brothers is another of their darker than dark comedies, a tale of dorky folk who all get caught up in a stupidly bizarrely circular chain of events . Burn After Reading has very few laugh out loud moments, but there are plenty of corner of the mouth secret chuckles to be had. It's sweary and gets increasingly mad and violent, but deep down you sort of know that all these characters had it coming to them all along!

It has an all-star cast too... John Malkovich is superb as the sacked CIA analyst Osborne Cox, who descends into drunken rage, George Clooney plays yet another Coen dork as the paranoid womanising Treasury agent Harry Pfarrer, having an affair with Malkovich's wife, who is a real bitch played to perfection by Tilda Swinton. Then Frances McDormand is Linda, the singleton internet dater convinced that plastic surgery is the answer to her prayers, Brad Pitt does the comic turn as the really stupid gym instructor Chad, and Richard Jenkins is the gym manager who thinks Linda's fine as she is.

When a cd of CIA information appearing to belong to Osborne is left at the gym, Chad and Linda see it as a way to make some reward money, and ring Osborne who knows nothing about it. This starts off a chain of events that quickly spirals out of control as all these characters are linked by circumstances. I won't say more as it would spoil your enjoyment.

The reviews have been rather mixed. Many people don't like the ending in particular - I did. I found it clever and full of irony and thoroughly enjoyed the movie.

Did they actually learn any science?

A new series started on BBC last Friday called 'Rocket Science'. I don't shout at the telly much, but I did watching this.

An 'inspirational' science teacher who loves practical physics and chemistry takes a bunch of typical 13 year old kids who hate the subject and tries to convert them over a period of nine months into becoming fans. How does he do this? By propagating the belief that physics and chemistry is all whizzes and bangs. They do this by learning about pyrotechnics, making and putting on a firework display.

OK - this was just the set-up episode, but even so there were so many missed opportunities to just reinforce what the guys were seeing with good solid knowledge. They did a whole section on colour chemistry where they put some strontium chloride in a flame and it burns red, barium chloride burns green, etc. Then they went to see a fireworks display at Blackpool and they were all marvelling at the colours. I would have simply asked - "Who remembers which metal salt gives the red colour?" Just a small question to see if any of the lesson in the lab had sunk in.

He may well have asked this of course, but we didn't see it on the programme - and it leaves me questioning the validity of just showing all the exciting bits. These and other thirteen year olds may well go on to choose science subjects for GCSE, but they will be so sorely disappointed that it's not all practicals and flashy demos and actually hard work including lots of theory and some maths.

They did learn something too though. They were put into teams to do all the different tasks for putting on their own firework display for the head's retirement party. Teamwork and leadership in doing the organisation were to the fore, as was woodwork building the frames for the finale message to be written in little fireworks. There was little science on display there - and then the party got cancelled due to a death in the head's family. You did feel sorry for them ...

... but only temporarily as, next week some of them get a fantastic summer holiday - going off to Nevada to learn how to make fireworks. Wish I could have gone. Also, who's paying for all this - surely not the LEA? These are one bunch of lucky kids - I wish I knew the answers in how to get children more interested in science in an everyday way.

You might find this quite interesting ...

Brian Eno - he of the bald dome, Roxy Music synth twiddling, U2 producing and of course Music for Airports wrote the Windows start-up theme apparently! Yes - all 3.25 seconds of it - so you can blame him every time you fire up your PC.

However he's such an interesting chap you can't hold it against him. One of the best diary memoirs I've ever read was his A Year with Swollen Appendices, and I'm looking forward to the eventual paperback issue of On Some Faraway Beach: The Life and Times of Brian Eno by David Sheppard, a well-received biography of the man published last year.

Meanwhile I can recommend Apollo: Atmospheres and Soundtracks if you're keen on ambient music, and Another Green World if you like your music more accessible - the latter features the track used for BBC2's 'Arena' programme theme.

Opposites attract

I'm doing well with my resolution to read more translated fiction - eight out of twenty books read so far this year. Benny and Shrimp by Katarina Mazetti is yet another brilliant Nordic novel from Sweden to be translated for us to read.

Both heartwarming and heartwrenching, this romance of two thirtysomethings who are total opposites was a wonderful story to read. Desiree is a widow; she works as a librarian and loves urban living and culture. Benny is a bachelor farmer. They meet in the cemetery where Desiree contemplates her late husband's austere gravestone, and adjacently Benny lovingly tends his parents' rather over the top plastic garden of a tomb. They try to ignore each other, but one day the antics of a little girl playing at another grave make them turn and smile at each other and that's it! Love hits them like a bolt of lightning. How can a romance between a horny-handed son of the soil and the urbanite culture-vulture ever possibly work? This is their story.

Told in alternating chapters from Benny and Shrimp's points of views, (Shrimp is Benny's nickname for Desiree), we get their individual takes on the progress in their relationship. We experience all their ups, downs, frustration and exhilaration with them, and the tale is told with great humour and sympathy. I nearly cried with sadness at one point, then suddenly I was grinning with tears of happiness pricking my eyes instead. A lovely, lovely book.

Guilty Secrets #3

This is another entry in the occasional series where I own up to not having read something. Today I am owning up to not having read the literary quarterly 'Magazine of New Writing' Granta.

Nothing wrong with that you may say - literary quarterlies are often an acquired taste. The shocking thing is though that over the years, I've managed to acquire 32 issues of Granta - and I've not read a single one!!!

It's attractively produced in the form of an overlarge paperback, and brilliant people write pieces for it, but there's something intimidating about sitting down to read it somehow that has stopped me getting stuck in. Something I intend to remedy - well, eventually.

This great book will mess with your mind!

The Juggler by Sebastian Beaumont

Last year one of my favourite new books, and really deserving of five stars, was Sebastian Beaumont’s debut novel, the marvellous Thirteen. Framed around the strange life of a depressed night-cabbie, it was multilayered, darkly surreal and edgy. It played tricks with your mind, (which with hindsight reminds me of master-mentalist Derren Brown’s Trick or Treat TV series – mostly the tricks though!). You can read a good interview from last year with Sebastian about Thirteen here.

Could The Juggler be as good? Definitely! The story this time is about mid-life crisis and one man’s journey through it.

Mark, a bored engineer, is provoked by a couple of strange occurrences to abandon his family and seven month old son. A comedian rants at him in a club and seems to know all his personal details, then a man gives him a bag, which he later finds contains forty grand, and tells him to take it to Jonathan. Armed with just a flyer for a mysterious ‘Club Covert’, Mark takes a train and ends up at the seaside, with just the clothes on his back – and the cash...

I found it impossible to write about the story any further without making it seem banal, because that is something it emphatically is not. Saying that Mark finds an attitude of ‘You’re not from around these parts are you?’ is not doing it any justice. It’s much weirder than that – Mark’s mind plays tricks on him, and moments of paranoia and guilt keep changing everything. Added to this, the underlying air of menace leads Mark to seek refuge which in turn has its own mind-bending effects.

It’s everything that Thirteen is, but pushing different psychological buttons - totally gripping! Do pop over to Just William's Luck too, where you’ll find an excellent interview with the author about The Juggler which I found very elucidating indeed. 10/10